Tiny Table 3

The national anthem was plagiarized. At least, according to one man. In a recent interview, the Megadeth guitarist and sometimes singer, stated that, “Maybe not all of the of it, but the outro for sure.” Reportedly, himself and Metallica alum Lars Aldrich, having polished off a fifth of Wild Turkey and three bong-loads deep, riffed away in B-minor with a cassette recorder rolling. “I don’t really know what ‘keys’ are, but it was near the lower part of the guitar with the line thingys,” he said pointing. “Then, I wen’t up the guitar, and it got higher, just like the little bitch Francis Scott Key did in his obvious rip-off.” Mustaine claimed, as evidence, that the notes in his original song changed to.

When it was pointed out that the national anthem composer had been dead for nearly two-hundred years, Mustaine was dismissive. “I don’t know how he got hold of the tape. We jumped around a lot of studios in the early days.” He insisted that the listener could decide for themselves, but the comparison is obvious. “Just take a gander at Seek and Destroy!” he said, jabbing an angry freckled finger into the reporter’s chest. It should be noted that Star Spangled Banner is in B-major and Seek and Destroy is in E-minor (like every Metallica song) and sound nothing like each other.

Still, the geriatric ginger insisted it wasn’t about financial gain. “Key just needs to own up. I never saw a penny for something I obviously wrote. I even jotted down the second verse on pack of Marlboro Reds.” Mustaine went to mumble something about Yellow Submarine and White Christmas, but we had stopped listing.

Dave Mustaine cut the interview short as he was preparing to board a three-mast frigate to continue Megadeth’s tour across Europe with Disturbed, who have also lifted at least a couple lines from the pasty music pioneer.