Jealousy. It is this crazy emotion brought on by a number of factors, but I think the main one is our own insecurity. We let our own low esteem and other narratives take over our better judgement and make us… well let’s face it. It makes us act like a bunch of lunatics!
This is advice is for us in a relationship, because let’s face it… jealousy is a bitch.
The important thing is to acknowledge you feel this way and talk about it with your partner. If you stay silent and/or get passive aggressive, you will never change the narrative that is going on in your own head. In fact, you will make it worse because this gives room for your friend or partner to create their own narrative.
You need to have a conversation with the person involved in a calm manner. This is a MUST. These conversations are never fun and there is a chance they will escalate, but be reasonable and you will find the other person to be more reasonable as well… usually. Never try to make the other person equally jealous as a means to open up the conversation… BAD IDEA. (Look at what happened to Leia… she kissed her brother!)
I had a moment where I saw something pop up on my significant other’s phone. (Which I never look at and happened to see when he was showing me something.) If I would have stayed silent and tried to deal with it alone, like I instinctually started to do, I would have let so many crazy possibilities in and ruined the rest of my day, maybe week, maybe forever. Instead, he called me out for my mental distance and asked me to be honest with him. So after a bit of fighting myself to open up, because I knew what I was about to say was crazy and do in fact trust him, I opened up. He quickly settled my worried mind, and we were back to laughing and chatting in no time.
Had I not said anything, I would have spun a story in my head about how I am the worse, and this was bound to happen…. and EVEN WORSE, I would have created a worry and planted a seed of mistrust that never needed to enter our relationship, which could doom us from that moment on.
If you are a jealous person like I am, here are a few tips to help you deal with it:
- Do things every day that make you happy and make you feel empowered. The more secure we feel about ourselves, the less room we have for low-esteem and jealous thoughts.
- Find a partner and friends you trust. If you trust them whole-heartedly, then the worries are fewer AND they can settle your worries with a simple conversation.
- If you feel in your gut that something is wrong, you could be right, so again, talk it out and search your feelings.
- People do not like to be accused, do not go on the offensive when deciding to have these chats with a partner.
Now, if you really don’t trust the scoundrel, then drop him, because you are probably right. It is better to be alone, and not feeling low about ourselves, then in bad company. EVEN if he is as cute as these guys…