Learn the art of peripheral vision for checking out the ladies // Mediocre Advice from a Decent Human Being

There is this hilarious phenomenon among (mainly) men, where they gather in groups, small to large, and they feel the appropriate response to a woman’s presence is to play a little game: try to be the one who can burn the biggest hole through a woman’s pants with x-ray vision, then up the ante with a nice, soothing, sexy cat call.

Welcome to Mediocre Advice from a Decent Human Being.

Here is my advice to you.

One, it will never get you laid.  It has never worked in the history of ever.  So what’s the point?

And two, what would happen if a girl did respond to your come hither glare?  What if she said, “drop you pants right now, let’s fucking do this!”  I mean, good luck with that response as well.  Personally, I shutter at the thought of the person you are about to rub your naughty bits all over.

Instead, appreciate what is around you with your very own superpower.  Yes, you have one!  Isn’t that fucking awesome?!  It is called, PERIPHERAL VISION.

Be subtle.  Be smooth.   And no, you don’t have to be James Bond to learn this skill.  Just be, less obvious.  It will go a long way to getting you what you really want: either a lovely chat with a lovely human or a good romp in the sack.  Hey, I won’t judge you on your end-goal.  I am all about ambition.

“But Cloud, I wear glasses.  My peripheral sucks!”  Seriously, don’t fret it.  Just try a little harder than a fucking stare down of another person’s goodies.  Milkshake?  Titties? Whatever it is you want to call what you want to ogle. Simply restrain yourself.

“Ok! Restraint check!  Then what?”

Maybe try, “hello.”

About geekisin

Host, producer, and author for Tiny Table 3, Nerd and Pop Culture Media

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