Tiny Table 3

BURBANK – ABC and its parent company, Disney, reaffirmed their support of 1st amendment protected free speech. But, said a Goofy costumed spokesperson, “when your in the middle of a billion dollar merger, some speech is free-er,” adding, “ah-garsch!” When pressed about recent suspension of host Jimmy Kimmel for simply stating fact, the man-dog pointed out that some facts were “fact-ier”when 6 billion dollars is on the line.

FCC chair Brendan Carr, who was working the boats for Small World when TT3 caught up with him, reiterated the right of any totalitarian government to protect constitutional rights through the repression of said rights. “It’s a small world,” he snorted, while poking a thumb towards the big smiley faced clock, “and we can reach out and crush speech if it doesn’t make us smile.” We attempted a follow-up question, but he had to go sign in a group from the Westboro Baptist Church.

Jimmy Kimmel was unavailable for comment as he was on his way to a Salvadoran prison for what Carr called “unhappy words.” Continuing, he emphasized that The Constitution is a lot like Disneyland itself. “Come on,” he said, pinnig a ‘God Hates F**gs’ button to his chest. “It’s a fairytale. That castle over there? It ain’t real.”

As this is a developing story, stay tuned for all your TT3 updates.